Introduce yourself here!

Hi folks! Just an update, i officially divorced!

Thanks for all the support thus far! Is there any situation i should keep a look out for? Should I un-friend my ex-wife on social media platform? IDK just asking! :)
Congratulations I guess.... :)
Depends on whether U want her to know your updates....no should or should not......
 

Dunnohow

New member
Hi all, I have 2 very young children (both under 2) and I'm considering divorce but my hb does not agree. Firstly Coz he feels humiliated by divorce (it's a taboo from where he came from in Malaysia). Secondly it also hurts his ego.

He's a super MCP, flares up for no apparent reason. He does not respect me and my mum who is helping me loads with childcare duties. In fact, he does not have basic courtesy at all.

He likes to victimise himself and insists that he is being ostracised because he is not Singaporean. For eg, he e feels he does not get proper job recognition because of his nationality. These are one of those many things that drain the energy out of me managing this marriage.

Would like to seed advice here... If I were to file for divorce based on grounds of separation, how do I start the whole process? How should I prove the separation? And how to split household bills?

We are actually undergoing marriage counselling but doesn't seem to work. He is still forever passive aggressive and ignoring my requests to have a talk and tries to pretend nothing has happened.

It's really tiring and I do not want my kids to grow up in such a toxic environment...
 
Hi all, I have 2 very young children (both under 2) and I'm considering divorce but my hb does not agree. Firstly Coz he feels humiliated by divorce (it's a taboo from where he came from in Malaysia). Secondly it also hurts his ego.

He's a super MCP, flares up for no apparent reason. He does not respect me and my mum who is helping me loads with childcare duties. In fact, he does not have basic courtesy at all.

He likes to victimise himself and insists that he is being ostracised because he is not Singaporean. For eg, he e feels he does not get proper job recognition because of his nationality. These are one of those many things that drain the energy out of me managing this marriage.

Would like to seed advice here... If I were to file for divorce based on grounds of separation, how do I start the whole process? How should I prove the separation? And how to split household bills?

We are actually undergoing marriage counselling but doesn't seem to work. He is still forever passive aggressive and ignoring my requests to have a talk and tries to pretend nothing has happened.

It's really tiring and I do not want my kids to grow up in such a toxic environment...
Can U move out?
If U can...moving out is the best way to prove separation....U can have a deed of separation done with him stating terms....especially when U have 2 kids....This is where things get ugly.
I dont think it is fair to deny him of his rights to his kids although its like happening all over the place.

if cannot move out...can still live in the same household but U cannot do "family duties" like cook for him and sexual interaction.

https://singaporelegaladvice.com/law-articles/separation/
 

Crabimel

New member
Hi all: I’m new here. Looking for some support. Currently still married but planning on divorce w my husband. Recently agreeed to sell our house... sigh. Such is life: no happily ever after.
 

estherc

New member
Hi everyone

39 yo mom to one 7 yo princess here. planning to divorce the husband of 7 years, seeing lawyer in 2 days.
 
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Patrick

New member
40 yr male.20 yrs marriage.... Wife ran away. Leaving kids with me. 2 wonderful kids. Block me off frm contact. Only tell me she want a divorce. How should i move on?
 

estherc

New member
Sorry to hear this Patrick but it sounds like she found a man she wants to be with without any encumbrances. Are you working? If so please continue to see that your kids’ needs are met. If they ask about mummy, just tell them mummy needs a few days away.

as for your wife, is there anyone who can help you reach her to talk? If not, are you ok / prepared to give her what she wants? It’s hard to throw away 20 years of marriage but going through my own experience , some people really do make stupid life-destroying decisions because they simply do not think.
 

estherc

New member
if there is no 3rd party I believe there’s a chance to work it out. Could be a spur of the moment thing. Or done in anger. Give her some time to cool
Off but try to reach out and find out the reason for this
 

bee3103

New member
I got my final interim judgment at september 2019, my name is still in my marital hdb home. As he will not have the ability to pay back my cpf, and he didnt even pay any money to me when we divorced. So now i cannot even rent a flat from hdb for cheap...
 

Optimeow

New member
Hi all, I have 2 very young children (both under 2) and I'm considering divorce but my hb does not agree. Firstly Coz he feels humiliated by divorce (it's a taboo from where he came from in Malaysia). Secondly it also hurts his ego.

He's a super MCP, flares up for no apparent reason. He does not respect me and my mum who is helping me loads with childcare duties. In fact, he does not have basic courtesy at all.

He likes to victimise himself and insists that he is being ostracised because he is not Singaporean. For eg, he e feels he does not get proper job recognition because of his nationality. These are one of those many things that drain the energy out of me managing this marriage.

Would like to seed advice here... If I were to file for divorce based on grounds of separation, how do I start the whole process? How should I prove the separation? And how to split household bills?

We are actually undergoing marriage counselling but doesn't seem to work. He is still forever passive aggressive and ignoring my requests to have a talk and tries to pretend nothing has happened.

It's really tiring and I do not want my kids to grow up in such a toxic environment...

Hi,

Don't mind me saying but my soon to be ex-wife made the same comments about me too.
Our marriage counsellor was not of much help because she did not address the issues properly.

Your husband may have issues that he cannot handle. His outbursts are his way of communication. It may be in appropriate but he probably does not realise it.

For me, I have come to a very deep self-realisation of all these situations after my wife left me. She also said our family was toxic.

If there is some way to address your husband's deep-seated issues, I encourage you to do it instead of planning to walk out on him. Try a different counsellor, seek mental therapy, create a positive situation so he will open up.

For me, it took me almost the length of my marriage to open up, when I started to talk, she told me it was too late for her and left.

I do not wish for other families to be like mine.

Do it for yourself, do it for the kids, most importantly, do this for yourself.
 

irrix17

New member
Hi all, I'm a single dad recently divorced with 3 kids staying with me. When it becomes quiet at night I always feel so empty. If anybody out there needs a chat, I'm here.
 

Dreamy

New member
Hi , im recently divorced with 1 kid.
Though im the one who initiated and ours is a very very amicable and cordial process, right now when finally not staying together i do feel kindof sad and lost especially at night when my boy is asleep.
Does anyone here feel the same?
 
Hi , im recently divorced with 1 kid.
Though im the one who initiated and ours is a very very amicable and cordial process, right now when finally not staying together i do feel kindof sad and lost especially at night when my boy is asleep.
Does anyone here feel the same?
Always both sides to the same coin....not being with someone has its advantages and disadvantages....see which side is more acceptable to you....
I lost things in the process....but I do enjoy the peace too...
 

Lily CGL

New member
I married for 21 years.. my marriage has up and down turn. But I do intend to divorce but not sure what are the procedures etc. What are the things that I need to consider.

I married to a man that is simply bo chap attitude. I have tolerated him for 21 years. I have a son and now he is in NS. Before CNY, he got a spanner hit by his forehead and bleed. He called me that morning as he was bleeding in the camp instead of my husband. I called my husband and he said he got meeting in the afternoon. Anyway this is not the only incidents, throughout the 21 years of marriage, this is what i faced. I tell myself to be independent and after my one and only son, i dare not try for 2nd child as I know he is a simply bo chap guy. If i want to have another one then I will need to be prepared the same attitude. Anything happened to my son, I will be handling even though I am a working mother. I coached my son when he started schooling and till he goes to the independent school. I spent all my time on my son.

Because to this marriage, i lost my siblings and family members. I hardly goes back home because all my time is in the family. He treated me like I am a maid as I handle all the cooking and washing. When it comes to CB period, I can do conference call and he can disturbed me and asked me when I can cooked lunch as he got meeting in the afternoon.

Please tell me what are the expectation if i want to file a divorce. I am very depressed and very tired. I really do not know how to carry on really.

Can anyone of u tell me what I should do and expect from ? I am really lost..
 
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havehope

New member
edited. thanks WCisUnfair

seriously considering divorce. 2 yr old kid in tow. worried it might become contentious...
 
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i am seriously considering divorce. i have a young son coming 2 years old soon. been with him in total almost 20 years. on hindsight, i should have never married him actually. but i was young and naive and he was my first bf. i thought if he can see that i really love him and he will really love me too (like what he said) then he will change and not treat me like this. but i guess the spots never do really change, do they?

now that i have a son, our differences become so jarring there is no way of avoiding. There has been abuse (both physical as well as emotional/verbal abuse, mainly the latter). I feel he has rage issues/anger issues. most recently incident was we were arguing in the car whilst bringing my son to the doctor and i just kept quiet because i am simply too tired and worried to fight more. he swerved the car whilst we were on the expressway.

I am fearful for my life as well as my son's life.

I have spoken to so far 2 lawyers (Ms Ng Pui Khim from Gateway and Ms Foo Siew Fong from Harry Elias) and will be speaking with Mr Rajan Chettiar soon too.

Anybody has any feedback on them, would greatly appreciate any comments.

i am quite certain he will contest esp over my boy because he keeps having this MCP mindset that is his surname etc. He either all along have this mindset but never reveal true colors. or he is brainwashed by his 古董father with this kind of mindset.

I do not want any alimony (but was advised to get $1). i only want the house and my son. The lawyers have advised that most likely is joint custody. But if he is agreeable to sole custody to me, the court will accept right?

My lawyers advised that i can ask for 55% or 60% of the house as i am the one doing the main upkeeping and the chores and also am the one paying for the part time helper. I also am the one paying for alot of the household necessities (i have proof as i do my shopping online).

Almost everything that my son has/plays/wears/uses etc since he born, I am the one that buy (almost all. i would say 90%).

Due to all these issues, i am very scared of the access that he will be given. if once a week (sat or sun) 9am to 1pm, is it too unreasonable? As much as i understand that it is important for both parents to be present in the child's life, please also understand that given the abuse that I have suffered (which was inflicted in front of my son. he has even held up my son in front of me and shaken him threatening me that he will do something to him), i really am very afraid....

i am lost.

Would appreciate some guidance...

thank you
I think "Introduce yourself" section is accessible for public viewing....perhaps you want to make another thread in a restricted section for discussion?
 

Alf_ong

New member
Hi All
I am a dad going through divorce after 20years of marriage. And this is a hard time for me, out of sudden bomb landed on me. Soon Ex wife decided to divorce, not sure if she have someone of just sick of us being together.
My issue now is my 2 kids, 1 will follow me and the other follow her. She has found a place to stay, but when the divorce proceeding realized, i will need to sell my hdb and become homeless. Need advice from anyone who have same experience. I do not have parents to return to as they no longer in this world.
 

Jessy

New member
Hi All
I am a dad going through divorce after 20years of marriage. And this is a hard time for me, out of sudden bomb landed on me. Soon Ex wife decided to divorce, not sure if she have someone of just sick of us being together.
My issue now is my 2 kids, 1 will follow me and the other follow her. She has found a place to stay, but when the divorce proceeding realized, i will need to sell my hdb and become homeless. Need advice from anyone who have same experience. I do not have parents to return to as they no longer in this world.
You are not going homeless. The court will divide HDB equally unless otherwise stated in final judgement court order. What you have contributed is yours and vice versa. Once you found a buyer and signed HDB buyers option doc with buyer, you have around 8 weeks to hand over the keys. In the HDB buyers option doc, you can state that you want another 1-2months extension from the buyer (this is normal practise), this will give you total of 4 months timeline - to buy, move out, or renovate new place.
Then 3 days after signing the
HDB buyers option, login to HDB and "request to buy" (your new HDB) and start looking for it immediately. HDB & CPF will work together and are very efficient (left pocket/ right pocket), but they will need final judgement court order to proceed. Therefore it is VERY important what's is written the court order.

I took over my HDB and paid with him CPF ( I had this written in the court order) so it was easy transaction. Now, he got his new place and will be collecting key to his new HDB mid May.
 
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